She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
