he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
