he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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