the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
