who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
