So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
