You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
