i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
