i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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