Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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