Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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