I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
