my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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