I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
