Betty ford says i'm here all night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
