I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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