My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
