We named our party play list daddy issues
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
