Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
