So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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