i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
