oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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