we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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