i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
