Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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