how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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