i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
