Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
