Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
