I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
