woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
