I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
