The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
