I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
