so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
