puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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