You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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