By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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