so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
