They should really pass out barf bags in church
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
