I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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