apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
