he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
