I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
