did you get engaged???
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
