did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
