i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
