The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
