i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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