You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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