Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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